I had 2 very important competitions coming up that I could focus my energy on.
Finally a distraction!
One was happening in the next town and the other was happening in a town 6 hours away. They were occurring a few weeks apart and if I performed well in both then I could solidify my reputation as ‘up-and-coming’.
I was up every morning at the crack of dawn, following the surf up and down the coast, I practiced so hard that the ocean began speaking to me. She communicated to me in a language that I instantly understood, as though the thoughts that surfaced in my mind were of her own manifestation.
She guided me to wait for a finer wave, how to gently carve her mighty barrel and where to find better surf. It felt like I didn’t even have to try, like the tension that used to arise from trying to swing around to hard or holding on too tight while balancing had softly melted away and I was free to glide through her essence like a firefly swirling around a night canvas.
I wanted a distraction but I still thought of you for inspiration. Regardless of what the current situation was, I couldn’t deny the fact that you made me feel good. As proud as I was for challenging myself, I held you with such high regard that I hoped you could see me and be proud of me too.
I’d reached a better understanding of accepting the way I felt for you. Focusing on that alone uplifted me and what I felt for you was all that it ever had to be. I was happy that I was happy for you and I was happy with the way I felt about you, if that made me happy then why did it have to be anything more? Why did I have to turn it into some sort of suffering? The answer was that I didn’t and that felt like a pivotal realisation for me.